Ima tree

Get off your ass you lazy piece of shit.
All you see when breeze past me is a tree.
I look like I’m chillin, but I’m workin hard.
You see me, a cottonwood tree, serene, pleasant, in control of my own destiny, and at peace.
That’s what you think. You wanna know what’s really goin on?
Every single day, I’m like… fuck where’s the water?
Hey ceder why you gotta steal all my fuckin water?
Damn this soil sucks, get the salt away, I can’t take the salt!
Fuck this beetle eating through my skin!
Where’s the sun? Why’s this cum dumpster of building taking all my sun? Can a tree get some sun?
There’s a lot of shit goin on!
My leaves photosynthesize with light from our star even on a cloudy day.
My microrhizae covered roots are perpetually probing and penetrating the planet for water,75% of the earth and the earthling.
When that dihydrogen oxide doesn’t come out of the sky I die back only to cannibalize my roots back.
Only to fight back the attack of the insects and unfurl on the squirrel and the bird the most toxic bark I can muster,
I crack open the most perceptively impenetrable boulder, I vacuum all the good shit from the finest clay, while I nurture the worm and the microbe, the only ones that aren’t trying to kill me.
My branches radiate from my trunk with the monumental strength I’ve earned from year after year of building a pillar of solid lignin muscle grown from a seed that came out of a bird’s ass.
As the sun gives less love and the cold winds gives hate I drop my leafy engines of energy conversion only to cannibalize myself again, as I suck in the nutrients I’ve produced as they percolate through the soil.
All you see when you breeze past me is a tree. I look like I’m chillin, but I’m workin my ass off over here and you’re playing world of warcraft in your air-conditioned dungeon?! Come enjoy me!